2 minute read
The joke, the touch, the "can we start again?"
Repair attempts are anything that stops an argument escalating. The ones that land depend on the friendship underneath.
Stable couples do not argue less. They repair faster. A repair attempt can be humour, a hand on the arm, "I’m sorry, that came out wrong", or "can we take a minute?".
What predicts whether a repair lands is not how clever it is. It is the balance in the account: if the friendship is strong, a clumsy repair works; if it is drained, a perfect one gets missed.
That is why the plan spends so much time on the small stuff. Appreciation and bids are what make repair possible when it counts.
Agree one phrase you will both recognise as a white flag. Use it once this week before you need it.
Choose your white-flag phrase together. Say it once tonight, for practice.
Where this comes from: Gottman, The Seven Principles; repair-attempt coding in the Love Lab.
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The coach recommends guides like this one inside your plan, and turns them into practices you can do this week.