How it works
How Sameside works
Honest answers, given alone. A coach that formulates before it writes. A rhythm that survives real weeks, tools for the hard ones, and a measure of what changed.
1. The assessment
Eight short sections, about twenty minutes, alone: about you, how you tend to work, what you need most, the relationship now, everyday life, boundaries and consent, a private wellbeing check, and eight weeks from now. Modelled on the structure clinicians use, at a size you can finish on a sofa. Your situation tags (new parents, blended family, long distance, rebuilding trust, caring, and more) shape everything that follows.
2. Separate by design
Every person has their own login and their own answers. The coach is the only reader. Shared content is checked line by line so it never quotes, paraphrases or hints at who said what. Anything you mark off-limits is checked out of every shared sentence.
3. The formulation
Before any writing, Sameside computes where you agree and where you don’t across sixteen areas, which areas carry tension, your satisfaction baseline, and which pull-apart pattern shows up. The coach then writes a case formulation — what you came for, the cycle between you, strengths, goals, phases — and shows it to you. Correct anything that’s wrong; it listens.
4. The plan
One opener for everyone. Strengths, up to three focus areas, and eight weeks: two practices, one conversation guide and one reflection each, drawn from a knowledge base of the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy, IBCT, attachment research, family systems and more. A private note for each person. Team agreements everyone can ratify.
5. The weekly session
Review last week, read the two-minute piece behind this week, do the practices, have the conversation (with a timer if you like), check in for three minutes. The coach reads everyone’s check-in, measures the week with the Couples Satisfaction Index, and rewrites next week if it needs to.
6. The moment
When it kicks off at eleven at night: The Pause — one tap, and everyone in your circle sees you’ve paused and when you’ll be back — with a twenty-minute cool-down; Say it for me, where the coach drafts the sentence you can’t find in your own voice for you to send or keep; a gentle start-up builder; and Repair for the aftermath. A private coach chat that remembers you and points to the right tool.
7. Hearing each other
Worksheets answered privately and synthesised for everyone: your next year, the household load, money, the unwritten rules, caring, closeness, parenting. Each proposes an agreement. Agreements go active when everyone ratifies, and the coach keeps them in mind.
8. Measuring and continuing
The checkup repeats the assessment so change is real; the progress report shows it area by area. Then choose the next programme: keep it going, one area properly, or the family reset — each written fresh from your latest answers, agreements and what the coach has learned about you. Working with a counsellor? Link their code and, with everyone’s consent, they receive the progress report.