The method
The Sameside method
Sameside does five things, in order: it listens to each person privately, forms a working picture before suggesting anything, draws on published relationship research rather than instinct, measures whether it is working, and says plainly when you would be better off talking to a person.
“You’ve each answered honestly and separately, and you’ve both chosen to do this together. That’s the hardest part done. The work is on the cycle, not on either of you.”
Assessment
Eight sections, about twenty minutes, covering the areas Gottman’s research on couples looks at: friendship, appreciation, turning towards, conflict, repair, shared meaning, trust; ten everyday-life areas rated for satisfaction and tension; needs, what lands, situation tags, boundaries, consent; a private wellbeing check; and the Couples Satisfaction Index as a baseline.
Formulation
Before any plan is written, Sameside computes where you agree and disagree across sixteen areas, which areas carry tension, and which pull-apart pattern shows up. The coach then writes a formulation — what you came for, the cycle (each move framed as protective), strengths, what keeps it going, external stress, goals, phases, and how you will know it is working — and shows it to you. You can correct it, and your corrections feed every later decision.
Evidence base
A structured knowledge base selects, per circle, from Gottman’s research on couples, attachment research, behavioural research on couples (including the OurRelationship programme), Bowen and structural family systems, PREP and the Speaker–Listener technique, Nonviolent Communication, solution-focused and narrative approaches and motivational interviewing — each with its practices, step by step.
Measurement
The CSI-4 at baseline, every check-in and at a checkup. Each weekly review reads the trend, chooses a phase — stabilise, build or stretch — and rewrites next week’s practices when it needs to. A change of three points is real change.
Guardrails and referral
Every shared sentence passes a second check: no verdicts, no labels, no off-limits topics, no private wording. The coach refuses joint work when there is fear, control, violence, an ongoing undisclosed betrayal, active dependence or severe distress, and points to Relate and the BACP directory when you want to talk to a person.
What it is not
Sameside is a private check-in tool, not care. It doesn’t label anyone or decide anything for you, and it says plainly when you would be better off talking to a person. If you want to, Relate and the BACP directory are listed on our support page.
Free to start. Private by design.
Read the formulation the coach writes for your circle, and correct it. It listens.